Halloween 2006 Edition (Scroll Down to Rank'em)

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Teri Hatcher

In her book 'Burnt Toast,' Teri waxed on about how much she loves a certain part of her mammaries and how much she hated her virtually celibate marriage. What could have kept her man away from those love bumps? Maybe it was her recent ranking as worst-looking celeb in HD TV.

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Steve-O

He probably has more influence on the youth of our nation than Elmo and the Wiggles combined. You gotta figure if the pied piper of pain is willing to abuse his own body with sizzling electrocution and unholy penetrations, he's bound to do much worse to someone else.

Tara Reid

While she's been in some devilishly bad horror flicks, the thing about Tara that gets our nougat churning isn't the b-movies or even the bad boob work, it's that Lindsay Lohan is making herself seem respectable by saying she's no Tara Reid-kinda party girl. That next horror flick will be written on a bar tab with a swizzle stick.

Karl Lagerfeld

If you can get last the fact that Lagerfeld looks like a Yoko dressing up as Drag Dracula, consider that he's been giving out eating advice in the 'Karl Lagerfeld Diet,' which calls for regular meals of "protein sachets" that come in flavors like "cream soup" and "egg-based custard." Order us some "barf sachets."

Dakota Fanning

Dakota ripples with a pre-programmed frothiness that could only have been manufactured in the nether-regions of Disney's Magic Kingdom. Those eyes are the window into the soul of a white witch! Or maybe she's just at an awkward age.

Jeff Goldblum

Jeff's like that hyper-smart goth guy in your dorm who figured if he couldn't get the girls with suave he'd get 'em with unerring devotion to Nine Inch Nails, except Jeff probably doesn't like goth or Nine Inch Nails, so all that's left is a waft of Adams Family ookiness.

Lindsay Lohan

It's not that Lindsay's loins have been talked about an astronomical amount for someone who's never released a sex tape (yet), it's that she recently admitted that all she ever wanted to be was a "sex kitten." Begin the countdown to gut-spilling episode of 'Tyra' now.

Dr. Phil

So he blurts out psychological advice like a carnie, and he was sued by dieters for $120-a-month, "reportedly" shoddy supplements. What's disturbing? His favorite food is hamburger patty fried with canned green beans and creamed corn. Double eww.

Katherine Harris

Katie's said that if Christians aren't elected to office, politicians will legislate sin and that separation of church and state is a "a lie we have been told." Oh, and there is that three-inch layer of primer on her face. (Who else thinks looks like she could be Katie Holmes' mom? Chilling, eh?)

Flava Flav

Let's face it, it isn't the horns and the grills that gets hotties to fight over him on 'Flavor of Love.' But what is it? What's Flav's magical allure? Why is he so magnetic? Why won't he return our calls? Flava, if you're out there, you know our digits. Or just text. Holla (gasp) back.

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